“I regret making my therapist a mix CD for her Birthday. She’s gonna over analyze that Eminem song.” You DO have similar mom issues.

“I dropped my cell in the dumpster again! Should I ask that guy for help?” If I shaved would you stop asking me to dig through trash?

My mom stopped by and I had to SHUSH her so I could hear all about “Jen’s new tatas.” She headed for the door…I didn’t stop her.

“The rain is like two swords; it makes my nipples look great, but it also makes my hair look like death.” Double edged sword?

“I can fully admit you’re better at yoga, but it’s totally offensive you’re claiming to be a faster texter.” Umm, should I leave?