“Mom, how are you not hearing me?! I forgot to send dad flowers because THERE’S A NEW KARDASHIAN!” Happy Father’s Day, Kanye.
“Right before he did it he said ‘I don’t mind getting throat cancer’ and it was the hottest thing ever!” Cancer is the new dirty talk.
“I’m all for celebrating those who serve but remember how awful that one waiter was at Cheesecake Factory?” Happy Memorial Day.
“So many of my Facebook friends got hacked by some ‘Donate 10$ to Oklahoma’ thing.” Maybe a little less Kardashians and more CNN.
“That missing suicide bomber should be killed for what he did in Boston.” According to you he already has.