Dear Girls Above Me,

“You can’t go on birth control, your tits will get bigger than mine! We had a plan!” Does this plan involve small boobs and a baby?

Dear Girls Above Me,

“He said he was Spanish but not a Mexican. What the hell, that doesn’t even make sense!” It does to the entire country of Spain.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“This might be a stupid question–” Girls, there’s no such thing as a–“Do fish, like, drink water?” Never mind, stupid question.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“I saw my gyno at dinner with this really hot girl! Why am I jealous!?” Cause you realized you aren’t the only vagina in his life.

Dear Girls Above Me,

The family question: who will Charlie bring to his sister’s wedding? My response, “Can I bring both GAM or do I have to pick one?”