“It’s racist to wear black face paint on Halloween? We gotta rethink our Oprah and Gayle costumes.” Just say you’re Snooki and Jwoww.

“I regret making my therapist a mix CD for her Birthday. She’s gonna over analyze that Eminem song.” You DO have similar mom issues.

“I dropped my cell in the dumpster again! Should I ask that guy for help?” If I shaved would you stop asking me to dig through trash?

My mom stopped by and I had to SHUSH her so I could hear all about “Jen’s new tatas.” She headed for the door…I didn’t stop her.

“The rain is like two swords; it makes my nipples look great, but it also makes my hair look like death.” Double edged sword?