Dear Girls Above Me,

“He goes ‘penny for your thoughts,’ I said, dad, a pair of Louboutins and I’ll tell everything.” He can visit my website for free.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“We have a major situation on our hands: He’s ungoogleable! I don’t date anyone I can’t stalk first.” Thank God we’re not dating.

Dear Girls Above Me,

I just don’t relate to my family anymore. Miss you guys. Merry Christmas.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“Holy Kardashian! The world is seriously coming to an end, there are TWO rainbows outside!” Seems like a pretty gay way to go out.

Dear Girls Above Me,

Thanks to your itunes playlist, I hummed Taylor Swift’s Mine at a football party. They only let me drink “light” beer.