“Wait, so all presidents we’ve had were born on the same day!?” Well, we have yet to see Obama’s birth certificate…
(crying) “I don’t wanna be a fat, bloated, bloody valentine!” Look on the bright side, Chad didn’t get you pregnant!
“I’ve totally decided to follow the Pope’s footsteps and retire.” Technically, don’t you need a job to do that?
“I’m definitely rooting for the San Francisco 69ers.” I’d like to see THAT logo.