Dear Girls Above Me,

“The psychic said I might have a stalker in my life!” I much prefer “a friend who always listens,” thank you very much.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“I’m telling you, I have Toxic Shock Syndrome!” What the hell is Toxic Shock Syndrome? Hold on, let me Google–EWWWWWW!

Dear Girls Above Me,

“She’s kinda pathetic, spending years studying just to work at a bar.” Does this “bar” happen to be called “the bar?”

Dear Girls Above Me,

“He’s really hot but sometimes in public he acts so premature. Grow up!” You’re not even remotely using that word correctly.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“Amy Winehouse was killed in Norway!?” Hey CNN, slow down!