Dear Girls Above Me,

(screaming) “J. Lo, if you’re out there, what eyeliner do you use!?” It’s times like these I wish I had a sassy Latina accent.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“He’s going on a family vacation to Amazon? To like the headquarters or something?” More likely than that measly rainforest.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“What should I Google if I wanna figure out how to invent diet coke without any bubblies?” Maybe try “there’s no hope for me”?

Dear Girls Above Me,

“Nancy Grace’s areola is so much bigger than mine! That’s never how I imagined it.” This is something you think about day-to-day?

Dear Girls Above Me,

“Oh my God, the power just went out! THE POWER JUST WENT OUT! Turn on the lights, I can’t see!” You’re way funnier in the dark.