“He was literally perfect! Except for when he asked me if it looks like his eyes have seen murder.” Don’t get caught up in details.

“Oh I get it. It’s called string cheese cause it comes off all stringy.” Next week we’ll tackle Push-Pops.

“She was a major buzz kill talking about death and war. I wanted to be like, relax, it’s a holiday weekend!” Happy Memorial Day.

“I can’t believe we even pretended to like that song Friday.” So Rebecca Black is not “totally the next Madonna?” I trusted you!

“Her wedding is in Costa Rica?! Wait, don’t Americans get kidnapped in Mexico all the time?” Good thing you’re not going there.