“Arnold wouldn’t be in this situation if he had his maid hasta la vista the baby.” Instead he said, “I’ll be back…in ten years.”

“We need to talk.”  Uh oh, are you guys okay?  “Did you switch over to iced coffee without telling me?”  That bitch!

I’m proud of myself for knowing that when you say, “Totes that tote,” you’re really saying, “Yes, good choice in handbag.”

“I got a ticket for parking in front of a fire hydrant, but it was after 6pm!” What? Fires don’t need to be put out at night!

“How much did that gluten stuff in food cost before they made it free?” Oh man, you don’t even wanna know.