“I bet this Arnold Palmer guy named a drink after himself just to be a celebrity?” Now he can retire & take up a sport like golf.

“Jen went down on Tom while he played a video game. Gross!” Was it Mario Kart? That would be the Nintendo equivalent to road head.

“Should we throw Caitlin’s bachelorette party here?” Ya sure, I’ve always wanted to go to one of those.

“What oil spill? I thought I heard there was a flood somewhere.” Current events must feel like a Rubik’s Cube to you.

“Who do you think has the biggest dick on the Lakers?” Can’t you just be quiet and let me enjoy this win–definitely Ron Artest.