“Okay, my turn. Have you ever pictured one of your ex’s with a vagina, like a real one–” Your turn? What game is this?!

“Mom, I’m filling out this form and need to know if I have insurance?… What do you mean what kind?” How are you still alive?

“Honestly, what we need in our lives is a puppy. Can’t you just imagine him running around?!” Please tell me I’m in Inception.

“So, he’s a musician but only plays the harmonica. The least hot instrument ever!” What a loser! If he ever wants harp lessons…

“I’m responding, ‘with my BF tonight.’ He won’t know if I mean boyfriend or best friend!” You’re like The Da Vinci Code of texting.