Dear Girls Above Me,

“I can’t believe I’m 24 and I haven’t even had my test-marriage yet!” Calm down, your rehearsal soul mate is out there somewhere.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“I think it’s ‘roses are red, violets are blue, things…I see…are…I know…is true.’ Just type that.” What the hell was THAT?

Dear Girls Above Me,

So I see you’ve taken “Hump Day” literally. Shall I send a bill for my broken picture frame to you or him? Personally I blame him.

Dear Girls Above Me,

In the laundry room- GAM: Did you put my underwear in the dryer? ME: No. GAM: Are you sure? ME: I think I’d remember. GAM: You’re weird.

Dear Girls Above Me,

“It’s time we get a dog!” PLEASE, DO NOT GET A– “But we should invent wireless leashes first.” Oh okay, I’m good.