“Do you think Osama Bin Laden’s ever bored in his cave giving himself a mangina?” No– well, maybe.

“That fucker had glitter in his beard, which means he was making out with some whore!” Maybe he’s really into arts and crafts?

“We can’t eat Thai food anymore cause supposedly all their good crops were destroyed in the tsunami.” Good thing you love sushi.

“It’s not fair that ‘sex tapes’ are ONLY for celebs. Mine would just be considered ‘a porn’.” We all have something to strive for.

“Ow, Cathy, they didn’t hit that hard!” Just because the Kardashians had a pillow fight on their show, doesn’t mean you need to.