“Guys don’t understand that we wear thongs cause they’re hot AND comfy.” I’m beginning to understand.

“I have the worst headache of my entire life. Do I need my tonsils out?” I think you better call your doctor on speaker and ask.

“Ugh, he showed up with a condom. I so would’ve fucked him if he hadn’t expected to fuck me.” How dare he practice safe sex.

“Why wouldn’t Mel wanna be blown IN the jacuzzi?” Her safety is clearly a priority, he would never jeopardize it for a scuba-job.

“I really want a penis just for a day. All I would do is flop it around.” Sorry, did you say something? Was busy slapping my dick.