Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.
 
 
 
 
 
Jul

15

“I really want a penis just for a day. All I would do is flop it around.” Sorry, did you say something? Was busy slapping my dick.

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  1. DanielleB says:

    Haha. Eww.

  2. Miss mishi says:

    i know you get this quite often but …i love you haha

  3. Cassandra says:

    You wouldn’t imagine how much the girls in my health class said that last year. I swear each one said it 5 times in that hour period. It was an all girls health class. Me, personally, I don’t think I would like to experience it. Ever notice that most of your fans are female?

  4. balls to the wall says:

    tell me about it, i barely had enough time to read this in between swinging it around.

    • Bonzai says:

      The best thing about that comment is your name is balls to the wall. Probably your best post yet Charlie.

  5. Sean says:

    I know how you f-SLAPSLAPSLAPSLAPSLAP-

    …how you feel.

  6. chels says:

    If I had a penis for a day it would be so I would no longer be the same gender as these brain surgeons… And to see if you can aim jizz…

  7. Gennie says:

    Naked jumping jacks, anyone?

  8. Chylea says:

    Hahahahahaha. I just found this site and its so funny! :) haha. <3 <3 <3 :)

  9. Charlie McDowell says:

    I’ve never pictured myself with a vagina…until right now. I don’t look good.

  10. Mia Lewis says:

    It would be like having my own personal conga drum. Except painful conga drums, because I assume all of the “slapping” would start to hurt after while. Especially if its a really upbeat song.

  11. Spiderbait says:

    They should make a one-handed keyboard to make typing easier while slapping it.

  12. Confusion says:

    I don’t think that I would like having a penis. I feel like it would get in my way all the time…

  13. Ferheen says:

    Gotta agree with them I would do the same. Oh and I’d pee standing up just to see how it feels

    • Ryan says:

      Boys into men lesson 101: stand, feet approx shoulder width apart, 1/2-1 ft away from bowl, aim with preferred hand, look straight ahead and let her rip, then begin. You have been learned on how to stand up and urinate. I take checks or cash, no credit.

  14. Ellsoh says:

    I had a penis I would see how far I could pee!

  15. Charlie McDowell says:

    Nothing is more enjoyable than peeing off a ledge.

  16. Madison says:

    Females have the short end of the stick, quite litterally, when it comes to the subject of peeing. At least in the wilderness. No matter how hard a girl tries you can never come away completely untouched… :/

    • hanibal says:

      That’s only if you don’t have skills.

    • Jessica says:

      Ladies can pee just fine in the wilderness, I’ve been doing that since I was 3. Never have a problem. It’s all about technique and mad skills. :)

    • e says:

      God had two gifts. One was the ability to pee standing up.

      Before hearing what the other gift was, Adam insisted that be his gift.

      Eve got the left over gift: the ability to have multiple orgasms.

  17. Cheyenne says:

    The only thing i would want to do, is pee standing up. But i can already do that :D. And yes, i am a girl, but ive trained myself to do it.

  18. Taylor says:

    lmfao :):)

  19. Grace says:

    classy

  20. Grace says:

    if i post it again will i get a prettier picture??

    classy

  21. Ash says:

    I can’t count the number of times I have heard guys say “If I had boobs (or a vagina) I would just touch my self all day.” This sounds as silly as the dick slapping.

  22. Kate says:

    As much as you guys play with it, you can’t blame a girl for being curious!

  23. Jen says:

    Helicopter!

  24. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Megan Lyons, Dan Park. Dan Park said: 2010-07-15 « Dear Girls Above Me http://bit.ly/arncBg […]

  25. Kj says:

    For the comment about women having the short end of the stick in the wilderness, they actually have a thing for women that’s sorta like a penis….

    • vampiresquirrel says:

      that’s positively revolting. how the hell would you clean it effectively while camping???

  26. Penelope Sail says:

    If I had a dick I would dick slap some sense into those bitches. Unfortunately they are not the least intelligent life form. I had similar girls as roommates. . .for a year, but I was too busy suppressing thoughts of homicide to make a creative attempt at blogging.

  27. Casey says:

    This is definitely the number one on my favorites list of websites…
    I’m so content with life right now. haha

  28. vampiresquirrel says:

    So, she would just “flop” it. That doesn’t even hint at pleasure. Just lifting and letting gravity work. Repetitive lifting and dropping of a small amount of weight.
    And Charlie, I can definitely think of worse ideas than you with a vag. Just sayin’.

    I still wanna marry your sock.

  29. Lauren A.C. says:

    I found this website and it made my day, and continues to make other days. I find it halarious the things they talk about, i am in secondary school and i don’t think i have heard my peers talking about these things or more rediculous things :)

  30. Sarah says:

    Best post ever. By far. Charlie, you have a gift :)

  31. Justice says:

    you are my fucking hero

  32. Annabélle says:

    great. now nobody will believe girls don’t have penis envy. thanks, Freud.

  33. tori says:

    if i had a vag i can honestly say all i would do i finger myself and try anal. i mean, hell i might even try double penetration

  34. LaLa says:

    If I had a penis I would go get laid. Just to see how it feels for guys. Oh and pee standing up. Maybe just stand in one place and wiggle my hips so I could feel it swinging around down there? Oh hell…. The things I would do.

  35. Brilliant Idea! says:

    Hi guys. I’ve been following this cite for a little while.

    I have an amazing idea: (Please, comment if you share my sentiment.)
    1) A movie should be made.

    – The ‘girls upstairs’ should be enlightened of our lil’ online fandango. And with proper coaching and cajoling from an agent, they would be more than likely to accept an offer of promised cash money, publicity, fame and (maybe a reality TV show?) Golden age, It would promise:

    – Scandalous Footage in which the Pair may meet the man Downstairs, Go out on a date or some sort of Shared Experience where they Meet and Inevitable calamity may ensue.

    Or perhaps sparks will fly? For both Girls and our Man? For one girl? Will this meeting be filled with Jealousy? Torment? Confusion? Elation? Self-realization? – — —

    Where would their meeting take us?

    Is Anybody Curious?

    -NWardAgent@Gmail.com

  36. D says:

    “flop it around”
    does that mean masturbate? Or just swishing it like a mad swisher?

    Anyhooters,
    This site is literally the definition of hilarious-osity.
    : D

  37. Charr.(: says:

    This is great. Enough said. This site legit makes my day.

  38. JVC everio says:

    JVC Everio…

    My blog about JVC Everio…

  39. Chelsea says:

    If i had a penis for the day i would try and stuff it in my butt :), maybe even try to suck my self.. HELL the things i would dooo <3

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