“I dreamt I made out with one of those Blue Man Group guys–JUST made out! Then I woke up.” Good thing he already has blue balls.

“He wanted to know the last book I’ve read and all I could think of was Goodnight Moon.” And didn’t your mom read that to you?

“Claire, admit it, your gaydar’s totally off. His status update says, ‘Scissor Sisters opening for Lady Gaga!'” Really?! Hell yeah!

(regarding her loud fart) “Exactly why I’ll never move in with a guy. Who wants to give THAT up?” I guess I’m the lucky one then.

“Hey Claire, what day is it?” Oh no, please don’t sing–“It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.” It’s Thursday!