“The only real reason to have a boyfriend is to have someone who’s in charge of parking validation.” We are REALLY good at that.

“I’m blanking, who discovered the world was round again? I mean flat–wait, did he think–yeah, flat–wait–” Christopher Columbus.

“What does it mean to be Lacoste Intolerant again?” The inability to wear a preppy shirt.

“I know we got Bin Laden, but my question is did we ever get the bastards who flew the planes?” This feels like a trick question.

“I finally came up with a gazillion dollar idea. Ready?” No. “Friendship bracelets for dogs!” That’s only a billion dollar idea.