Your “friend” from last night was fun, but did he need to grunt, “You like that,” over and over? It seemed pretty clear you did.

“Did you hear that all these kids were rescued in Chile after being trapped in some mountain?” Miners, not minors.

“I watched a special on conjoined twins and all I could think about was karate chopping them to freedom.” You should be a doctor.

“Shut up! Saddam Hussein is dead? I thought that’s who we’ve been looking for in those caves?” You’re thinking of Fred Flintstone.

“I found out he’s taking me to a 3D movie! If the glasses aren’t cute I will literally die.” Just focus on not making out with air.