Last night u held something called a ‘trash mag partaaay’. Is that like a book club for the illiterate?

The worst part about losing your iphone shouldnt be that u lost Nick Lachey’s number. Its not like its Drew Lachey.

I think u caught me singing passionately in the shower. So I had a “you moment”? Thats embarrassing.

I had a dream u took my mother on a Club Med vacation & y’all became “soul sistas”. How dare u take her to Club Med.

Impressed when u said “I wanna help Haiti money donations” til I realized u said “I wanna help Heidi Montag’s doctor.”