“[singing] When the moon hit’s your eye, like a big pizza pie, that’s VAGINA. DaDaDaDaDaaa.” Did you guys bake pot brownies again?

“Tiger’s ex so won, she’s rich as hell AND doesn’t have to watch golf anymore.” That was actually a stipulation in the prenup.

“The best blow job I ever gave was when I wrapped a guy’s thingy in a Fruit Roll Up.” I got some dried apricots down here…

“I just saw a parent with her child on a leash! I’m so gonna do that with my kids.” You should also look into designer body armor.

“I want a guy who’s gonna meet me half way, like the Black Eyed Pea’s song.” I want a girl who doesn’t quote the Black Eyed Peas.