“I know this might sound stupid..” Not again, please no– “But does air have any fat calories in it?” 9-1-1.
This morning we number two’d at the same time. I believe you used toilet paper once, versus my three times…showoff.
“How do I vote for Best Actor? If Bieber doesn’t win for Never Say Never, I’m done with movies.” Oh God, please be done with movies.
“In Home Depot’s parking lot there were a bunch of Mexican prostitute guys trying to get into my car!” Different type of worker.
“I like beyond hate Valentine’s Day. Who wants to celebrate only fucking one person?” I’m hoping my girlfriend.