“I had to leave the gym early to detag a photo Jess posted of me where I look fat!” Maybe if you worked out more…

Please thank your “bestie gay” for describing “road rimming” and “glory holes.” I wish straight people did cool shit like that.

“Guys don’t understand that we wear thongs cause they’re hot AND comfy.” I’m beginning to understand.

“I have the worst headache of my entire life. Do I need my tonsils out?” I think you better call your doctor on speaker and ask.

“Ugh, he showed up with a condom. I so would’ve fucked him if he hadn’t expected to fuck me.” How dare he practice safe sex.