Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“Cathy, talk to me! I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t pee, knowing you’re mad at me.” Don’t let Cathy mess with urinary system.

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  1. Alicia says:

    This is the first time I’ve ever heard of someone not being able to pee because they’re upset. That’s really wierd.

    • Lequia says:

      Alicia, I’ve decided that writing poetry is catching. I keep composing little ditties in honor of an annoying person I work with. :p Thanks a bunch for the inspiration! LOL

    • Karolina says:

      Actually, it is possibile. There are a couple of mental conditions that may block our micturating abilities, especially when under stress or extreme agitation. My mum’s a nephrologist, I asked her;)

  2. Sarah says:

    Why are they mad at each other?

  3. Kelsey says:

    Charlie, do they ever say anything remotely intelligent?

    • Charlie McDowell says:

      Ya, when they say “hello.”

      • Death Eater says:

        They probably don’t say ‘hello’. They probably say “haiii omg gurrrl I hasn’t seen you in FOREVER!!!! <3<3xxx!1!!loool"

      • Lizzzzzz says:

        Death eater, how would you go about pronouncing that last bit?

      • Kamella says:

        You don’t, it’s just a bunch of giggling, squeals, air kisses, and hugs.

      • angel says:

        I have yet to read all the comments but i think Death Eater just won my vote for most LOL comment!

        I was reading it in the middle of media and politics lecture and I could not stop myself from literally LOL-ing.

      • Death Eater says:

        Kamella knows the right way to pronounce the last bit ;D

        For an accurate and nauseating demonstration, see a GAC (Girl Above Charlie).

        angel, thanks for the award. I accept :) I’m sorry for making you LOL in class though, hope you didn’t get in trouble!

  4. Karen says:

    maybe cathy locked herself in the bathroom…

  5. Charlie McDowell says:

    I call bullshit, I’m pretty sure I heard her pee quite easily.

  6. Alicia says:

    Do you know why they’re fighting?

  7. Lequia says:

    Thanks for making my lunch break funny! :) (I almost choked on my burger…)

  8. Alicia says:

    I just read on yesterday’s comments that you went to Palm Beach. I live in Palm Beach. You were probably like right next door to me or something and I never knew.

  9. K says:

    But I thought you made up the names Cathy and Claire?

  10. Megan says:

    Charlie, you should leave a basket of asparagus at their door.
    Then, if Claire has to pee in a potted plant, Cathy will know then feel guilty.

  11. Emily says:

    Is no one curious as to why Cathy is mad at Claire?
    I am….

  12. Elizabeth says:

    Bahahaha they say the most priceless things, honestly.

  13. feesh says:

    Wow, that’s a new one! Thanks for the daily giggle Charlie! All the incorrrect grammar I hear at work isn’t a fraction as funny as the girls are.

  14. Jillian says:

    I want to know what they fought over. I bet they’re trying to decide who gets to ask Gerard out.

  15. Amanda says:

    I’m with a few other people– why is Cathy mad at Claire?

  16. Clarissa says:

    I have been reading these since last february and just recently started to read the comments. I believe i am dedicated enough and would like to join the family :)

  17. Theresa says:

    Welcome to the family! :) yayyyyy

  18. Reba says:

    i still think we should have a party with Sun Chips :)

  19. Alicia says:

    Cathy and Claire:
    What a very stupid pair.
    But something’s not right,
    For the two are in a fight.
    Whatever it may be,
    Claire’s not able to pee.
    I don’t know what’s up with her,
    But she should probably see a doctor.

    • Theresa says:

      Just to share with everyone: Alicia and I are sitting on the couch and I’m reading through the comments on here when I finally burst out “Where the hell is your poem?!”. She was in the middle of writing it and wouldn’t even give me a sneak preview…

    • Elin says:

      My best friend and I are fighting and i have no idea why…… but i read this and relized i really had to pee…………so it must not be that big of a deal

    • K says:

      Heyy, just a tad of constructive criticism. :)

      When you write poems that aren’t free verse, the rhyme structure must stay consistent or the poem doesn’t flow properly. Each couplet (pair of two lines) must have the same number of syllables. If you do that, you have a great potential for writing poems. :)

    • Prosopagnosia says:

      If my English teacher ever requests that we share our favorite poems with the class, I’m picking yours.

  20. Sofa says:

    I love your poems, Alicia! hahahahaha, I really want to know why they’re mad at each other!!

  21. Lola says:

    And I want to know how Alicia always manages to be one of the first to comment. :D Do you spend all day refreshing the site or something? Haha, you and Charlie are definitely gonna meet someday. And probably fall in love.

  22. Lexi says:

    Alicia, I would just like to point out that you’re DGAM famous.
    You should be proud.

  23. Louisa says:

    Ha ha I have been reading DGAM for so long this seemed normal to me until I read the comments. I think I’m being turned into one of them!

  24. ella says:

    It’s like the SNL skit with taylor swift.

  25. Kamella says:

    I know why they’re fighting: Team Jacob vs. Team Edward.

  26. blabla says:

    Charlie!!! answer us!!! why are they fighting!?!?!

  27. MacKenzie says:

    I’m recently addicted to your blog, Charlie, and I read it to my dog everyday….she doesn’t get it but I sure do:) Thank you for making my study halls suck less.

  28. Awesome says:

    I thought Cathy and claire were made up names… Charlie, have you been playing us?

  29. Elisha says:

    Man, you must feel so popular.
    You’ve cultivated your own cult.

  30. Sabrina says:

    This site is legendary.
    I’ve been reading your posts for the past few months, but only recently began reading the comments. Everyone’s opinions are hilarious, I can’t help but giggle. haha
    And now, I have to ask… Can i become a party of your guys’s online family? (: lol
    And Charlie, don’t you ever stop creeping.

  31. Mikaela says:

    *They are made up names; he substituted her real name in the quote for the name he made up.

    I must admit, I lurk quite a bit here, but I wanna finally join this family, too! :D I look forward to the comments just as much as the letters, haha.

  32. Alana says:

    I feel like I am invading the privacy of a family by reading the comments lol

    • Sabrina says:

      I second that, ha. Whenever I read theses comments, I feel like I’m over at a friend’s house for dinner and they’re all reminiscing about old times, but all you can do is sit and nodd because you don’t wanna break their flow.

  33. Angie says:

    Chances are, Claire probably did something ridiculous like lose one of Cathy’s earrings without asking to borrow them in the first place. Or worse: shoes. Claire will never be forgiven if she injured one of Cathy’s shoes.

  34. Prosopagnosia says:

    I want to join the family… I’ve got decent spelling and grammar skills, I enjoy long walks on the beach, and I have a passionate love for palindromes… does that suit your quota? Plus, I need more excuses for not doing my homework.

  35. Shay says:

    Poor Claire… their bodies are connected by stupidity. Or, I guess, ignorance. But by these responses? I’m gonna go with stupidity.

  36. Victoria says:

    Not as good as Alica’s but..
    While visiting on Charlie’s site

    Cathy and Claire got in a fight

    It seems that those two were as close as can be

    With one mad at the other, poor Claire can’t go pee

    Let’s hope our girls can reconnect their link

    So Charlie can listen from his kitchen sink

  37. emilydawn says:

    wowwww not being able to pee? that’s intense people-pleasing issues

  38. Lonely Girl says:

    Ai Ya! Cathy must be a mixture of Chuck Noris and Jesus, to make it impossible for Claire to pee. Either that or she’s just really stupid….I’m thinking it the second one, at a guess.

  39. KimeeFace says:

    Why are they fighting? I’d like to know…oh, and I definitely ship Charlicia.
    Haha, best. Pairing. Ever.

  40. SomethingsNotRight says:

    “Cathy, talk to me!
    I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t pee,
    Knowing you’re mad at me.”

    Seems like a poem to me, and a great one considering the combined intellects of Cathy & Claire. Charlie, I think you are in an inception.

    • unkmar says:

      Didn’t I hear that on the radio somewhere?
      Sure reads like the catchy chorus to a radio song.

  41. Lock says:

    Soon our family will have its laundry out in the air. If the pilot episode goes well, it’ll be like 20 Kids and counting, with new visitors everywhere!

    And what if they’re the type who don’t clean up after themselves? The ones who don’t wash their dishes, and leave dirty comments and underwear all over the floor?


  42. Z says:

    Since you creeped my email address you can call me Zack now, doesn’t scare me FYI just really awkward. Was a reader for a while, never really commented is why I thought you had a sense of humor. WTF?

    • Tony says:

      As the admin of the blog he doesn’t have to creep, he just knows. Also, he DOES have a sense of humor, but computer screens are a rather sterile medium, and thus cannot convey the true intentions of pretty much any statement. I run into this problem constantly because I have an incredibly sarcastic sense of humor that really gets lost on electronic media of any sort.

      Also, Charlie, can I be this family’s version of Kramer? I’d love to just randomly butt in every nor and again, like I just did.

  43. Nemesis says:

    I read this EVERY chance I get, and attempt to comment sometimes, but no one ever really deems interested. Ahaha. But I think you should put a big ‘ol glass of lemonade with a sign that reads ” DRINK IT CLAIRE!,” taped to the front. But make sure it looks glamorous with hint of diva and a sprinkle of BAM!!

  44. a guy named John says:

    Good, we’ve got a name now….

  45. AmyD says:

    I’m thinking a possible reason they’re fighting is Claire slept with Cathy’s guy, or guy she wanted to sleep with. I doubt these two have much in the way of morals!

    • kayli says:

      do you think they watch sex and the city?
      because if so,
      it doesn’t count until they say ‘i love you.’

    • Andy Girl says:

      Oh God, you just said the m-word…. I hate that class with a passion…

      And just to throw in my guess I think that the two were fighting over which one gets Charlie. :D

  46. Zoe says:

    So, wait, I have a question…if you can hear them talking, how is it possible you have not heard them say each others names?

    • Lock says:

      He probably has, but for the sake of secrecy…
      It’d probably be more offensive than funny if Charlie used their real names, you know because we’re laughing at them? It’d be like cyber-bullying.

      Not that we aren’t being terribly offensive anyway but… just don’t think about that too much!

    • Leila says:

      Oh, Charlie has heard their names. He’s just changed them to protect the stupid.

  47. Fliss says:

    Ahhh these girls are much like the popular girls at my school…I can imagine that they have very nasally voices. :)

  48. unkmar says:

    I imagine they sound like giggly teenagers. Except for when they are pissed <– British term for drunk. Then they sound like fumbling teenagers. No, I'm not british. I like broadening my vocabulary and terminology.

  49. Emily says:

    Sounds like they’re trying to channel (no pun intended……) their inner Alicia “can’t pee…knowing you’re mad at me.” Fell a bit flat in my opinion.

  50. LonelyNerdGirl says:

    My bet is on she stole the last condom from the box.
    “Damn it! You used the last flavoured one! I’m sooo not buying the next box!”
    Can’t you just see it happening?

  51. Liz says:

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