Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“So this is fiction or non fiction? I’m confused, why can’t we just say real life or fake life?” Okay, Harry Potter is fake life.

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  1. Bellatrix Lestrange says:

    not real life? >.>

  2. JK Rowling says:

    Charlie Charlie Charlie, you got it all wrong….

  3. Voldemort says:

    I worked so hard to conquer a fake life?!?

  4. Charlie McDowell says:

    I’m just happy to know there’s bounded paper up there that isn’t glossy.

  5. Grace the Giddy says:

    Tell the truth Charlie. You chuckled when you heard this because you knew it would delight your army of fans “named” after Potter characters. “Bimbo gold!”

  6. Brit says:

    They read? Was it because Oprah recommended the book? Was it really Harry Potter?

  7. Sienna says:

    Ahh! My birthday post is Harry Potter related. This pleases me. ^.^

  8. Luna Lovegood says:

    I think a wrackspurt got them.

  9. Emily says:

    Were they really talking about Harry Potter or do they really just not know what ‘fictional’ means?

  10. Deathly Hallows says:

    I’m pretty sure they were referring to the movies not the book.

  11. Alicia says:

    I first started reading Harry Potter when it first came out (I was seven). I read halfway through the series but stopped because my twin sister would call me “Harry Potty” and it really hurt my feelings back then. (Yes, I unfortunately fell into peer pressure…) But guess who has now read all the books twice and seen all the movies? None other than my twin sister… :/

  12. harry potter says:

    does this mean I’m not really an orphan?

  13. Jillian says:

    Fiction starts with F. Fake starts with F. A little mnemonic device for them. Crap.. they probably don’t know what mnemonic is… =/

  14. Hermione Granger says:

    we missed school just to beat a fake dark lord? really?!??

  15. Hermione Granger says:

    No, no, no, Charlie. We are definately real. Not “fake life”

    Did you post this as a sort of response to us?

  16. Vicky says:

    You know what, if there was Internet in the wizarding world (AHEM YOU GUYS), their lives would’ve been so much easier.

    HP: Wth is a horcrux?
    HG: Just Google it Harry, honestly.


    ‘What is the Chamber of Secrets’
    ‘History of Harry Potter’
    ‘How to find and destroy pieces of Voldemort’s soul’
    ‘If my headmaster keeps calling me up to his office for private ‘sessions’, is he gay?’


    ‘What is the true meaning of a Hufflepuff?’

    Alright, that last one was from AVPM, but you get the gist of it.

    • Hermione Granger says:

      *What the hell is a Hufflepuff?*

      Hufflepuffs are particularly good FINDers…

      Anyhow, we were only recently modernized.

    • Faerie says:

      The reason why they don’t use technology in Harry Potter is because Magic ruins it’s functionality. Nothing works right around Magic. If it did, then the books would be rather boring.

      • Hermione Granger says:

        I know. We’ve figured out a few spells to block the mixtures of technology and magic. The Ministry is ecstatic.

      • Kristina says:

        ALSO, the books take place in the mid-to-late ’90s, when internet wasn’t nearly as advanced. Just imagine them trying to lug around a desktop and find a phone line so they could sit through the “EEEEELAKJDFLAKJDFJWAAAAAAA BOOPBEEPBOPPASDLFKJWEEEEEEEE” sound of dial-up. I think that might have disrupted the flow of the stories a bit.

    • Nobody says:

      LMBO! that may have been as funny as the origonal post…I love it! And I read all the Harry potty books, and convinced my friends to too! And I’ve seen all the movies! huge fan! makes this blog that much more amusing!

  17. YouSirAreAnIdiot says:

    Comment if you found this on MLIA

  18. Jewles says:

    Charlie, i watched your “the present” video and for a very brief moment when you’re running away you can see one of their faces for maybe 2 frames. It was either a really bad shot or they are very unattractive.

  19. for serious? says:

    Are you really dating Haylie Duff?

  20. Lily Luna Potter says:

    Correct Harry Potter would be fiction.
    Wait… what? No, thats not right… Dad? What is going on here? Why do all these muggles think you are fake?

  21. George Weasley says:

    Well, lookie here! Muggles actually believe that whole thing was fake! Ah, magic is awesome. :D

    • Fred Weasley says:

      What other things do you think these guys believe George?

      • Hermione Granger says:

        You’re alive! :D

      • George Weasley says:

        Fred! You’ve come back to us! Why didn’t you tell me, buddy?! And it’s incredible what muggles will believe these days! I mean, and we thought we had to HIDE it from them. Psh.

      • Fred Weasley says:

        I just didn’t get around to it. I tell you though, I got a good snog or two in my travels. You know what I heard? Muggles think that vampires sparkle now, honestly who knows what’s next!

      • George Weasley says:

        Sparkling vampires? Blimey, Fred, what sort of muggle came up with that one?! You mentioned snogging. Did any of those girls have sisters? ;)

      • Fred Weasley says:

        I think so, just your type too!

    • Shannon says:

      I don’t believe it. Though one of my friends is a witch. She is in love with Draco and calls me a stupid muggle for not agreeing with her.

    • Mrs.Weasley says:

      George, why do you know so much about muggles? Have you been taking trips with your father again?

  22. Karah says:

    *Is a huge fan of harry potter.* The posting as people from H. P. Was cool for about 1 post, okay for 1 post, and now it’s just annoying. Gr.

    • George Weasley says:

      That’s the point of Weasley Wizard Weezes: Annoying people for your own enjoyment. Fred and I could supply the best ways to get back at us. For ten galleons a pop, that is.

  23. Ron Weasley says:

    Bloody hell! Those girls are mental!

  24. RandomLiteraryName says:

    Unfortunately, I’ve never read Harry Potter, so I have no say in the matter O_o

  25. Other Ben says:

    My six year old cousin had that problem with fiction and non-fiction. Then again, there probably isn’t much difference in IQ points.

  26. Fliss says:

    I think they need air holes drilled in their skull so the oxygen can get to their brains ;)

  27. Sarah says:

    Harry Potter is NOT fake life! It’s just NOT!

  28. Melissa says:

    Charlie, very funny post today.
    Question? What happened to all of the normal people who used to post comments on your blog? And NO I will not refer to them as “muggles”.

    • Nobody says:

      Our voices are small and few! we hide till we can rebel and reclaim that which is lost! join us! Muggles take the blog back! And non fictional people will leave real comments! instead of those advertisment robots! Ha! Ha! Ha! sorry! couldn’t help myself! It’s good to be crazy! afterall “everyones a little madd sometimes…” Cheshire cat! ;D

  29. Kingsley Shacklebolt says:

    Of course the Muggles are supposed to think it’s a “fake life.” They keep the Obliviators busy enough already… we’d have to quadruple the number of employees in that department if they figured it out, and I’m just not sure we have that type of manpower right now.

  30. Arthur Weasley says:

    I just found out how this keyboard thing works. Okay, well, not HOW it works, but at least I’ve learned to use it. Do you guys think Molly will let me have one at home?

    This interwebs thing is awesome. The muggles are so creative!

    • George Weasley says:

      Hey dad! Don’t get your hopes up about mom, all those muggle devices don’t make much sense to her.

      • Arthur Weasley says:

        I guess you’re right. Remember that time with the lawnmover? Or earlier this year, when I tried to get a television to watch that Muggle Quidditch? What was that game’s name…?

      • Fred Weasley says:

        Wasn’t it soccer or something? I wish we had one of those horns at home, it drive everyone mad! Want to go find one George?

      • George Weasley says:

        Sounds like a plan, Fred!

    • Mrs.Weasley says:

      Arthur, please don’t refer to me by my first name on the interweb things. I dont want the children calling me “molly”. And I rather enjoy these computer things. I will get you one for christmas i think.

  31. Theresa says:

    my birthday is april 18th too! obviously since im your twin sister. And i saw that lovely post you worte about me…thanks??

  32. Blaise Zabini says:

    Filthy blood traitor Weasleys, clear out of here!

  33. Rain Joslin says:

    Okay you guys this is kinda getting out of hand. This is not a Harry potter forumn. If you want one of those I would be glad to suggest one. Please keep your comments about the post, not Harry Potter.
    Thx, :D

  34. Cedric Diggory says:

    Um.. I’d beg to differ, Harry Potter is most certainly a real boy!

  35. Narcissa Malfoy says:

    Harry Potter is so “real life” curse those Muggles.

  36. Mimi says:

    Charlie, I think you hit a gold mine with this one.

    (a muggle and proud of it!!!!!!)

  37. Amos diggory says:


  38. Luna Lestrange says:

    how dare they? Harry Potter is TOTALLY real. Just look at the evidence. Dumbledore didn’t DIE, he simply went to the North Pole and disguised himself as Santa. The reindeer’s are thestrals, rudolph’s nose is red because Dumbledore cast “Lumos rojo” on his nose. The elves are HOUSE ELVES. You never see Santa because he uses the Disillusionment Charm. This proves that Harry Potter is DEFINETLY REAL.

  39. One Happy Robot says:

    good to see you back gorge :D

    • George Weasley says:

      Are you talking to me? Hello! I believe it was Fred who was missed though. My ear is still missing in case anyone is wondering why my head looks lopsided, which my aunt was so kind to point out. All those numbers… is that part of this internet thing? Should I be concerned?

    • Fred Weasley says:

      Well don’t I feel missed.

  40. One Happy Robot says:

    and for the record im a guy. so to all guys above me, your not alone :)

  41. Mrs.Weasley says:

    Oh charlie, those silly silly girls!

  42. Nyr says:

    -skips all the annoying Harry Potter characters-

    :) Thanks again Charlie for the post! Other people obviously don’t know the difference either.

    At least you get SOME enjoyment out of them making a bunch of noise, right?

  43. Nyr says:

    Also, I do believe he never said they were actually talking about the movies or books. It was an example.

  44. YouSirAreAnIdiot says:

    Our lives our average.

  45. says:

    . . . is it bad that I get what she’s saying? . . . I still get confused by the two. . .

  46. Harry Potter says:

    ….last time i checked,i was real…

  47. Kate says:

    This post and the comments are such a win. I can’t even-

  48. kasey says:

    omg this is the best thing ever. harry potter fans, starkids, and MLIAers all in one XD i laughed so hard (harry is soooo real)

  49. harry potter fan for life says:

    i really really wish i could like comments on this site <3



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