Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“At one point he held my hand and squeezed it 3 times. I think he was saying ‘I love you!'” I think he was saying “I just farted.”

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  1. AnjaPhyllicia says:

    First! They should learn Morse Code.

  2. Abby says:

    No, it was definitely “I love you”

  3. Lena says:

    Or he could have been saying,” Kill me now.”

  4. Anonymous1412 says:

    “Leave me Alone”

  5. Em says:

    Probably more like “Please. Stop. Talking.”

  6. Matt says:

    Pretty sure that was just a muscle spasm.

    • Lena says:

      LOL yes, she’s pining after him sentimentally after their date while he goes to the clinic to check out his hand.

  7. Bubbles says:

    Was it a dog or something?

  8. Amber says:

    I am so disappointed that this is all fake. Probably not going to follow anymore…

  9. ashle says:

    but they are real. charlies already confirmed that.

  10. Sadie says:

    Or “God She’s Stupid”

  11. blahblahblah says:

    Who cares if its real or fake…its entertainment and charlie makes me laugh :D

  12. NotRelatedtoMosesHightower says:

    Isn’t it the same basic thing?

  13. Em says:

    Well, Charlie is real, and that’s good enough for me.

  14. flare says:

    I think he was getting a booger off his hand.

    As for the girls being real or fake: If you go far enough back in the archives, there is video evidence of at least one of the girls existence. I don’t remember how far back it is but its there.

  15. DVee says:

    He was actually thinking about going to the gym.

  16. SarahTheWolf says:

    Amazing how two brainless girls unite us.

  17. NeedMoreDGAM says:

    Why are these posts dwindling in appearances?
    … If its because of all these stupid people saying it’s fake please just don’t listen..
    I need these posts every week day, so that I can survive finishing an Undergraduate Thesis in Molecular Biology.. I really think sometimes that these posts are the only thing that keeps me going <3

    • Kate says:

      He replied to a comment on a previous post that he was working on a DGAM book, and that was taking him away from the site.

  18. Howard says:

    I’ve gone through the archives. I had to space it out so my abs could rest in between fits of laughter.

  19. Stacie says:

    or more like ‘you aren’t going to get any other guy except for me because, i’m only doing this because I feel sorry that you can’t get a guy.’

  20. Rina says:

    I don’t know if I’m the only one who remembers, but he did say he wrote most of these down a long time ago & posts them from his own personal archive. He could be living in a mansion & these could be from when he lived in an apartment. Just sayin.

    • llamalicious says:

      The other day he outright claimed to be “still beneath them”.

      • Elena says:

        I think he moved in with his girlfriend, but kept his apartment. If they aren’t 100% serious it makes sense, and he could work there sometimes. It would explain why the posts are dwindling.

      • laura says:

        Who buys a mansion with a girl they’re not ONE HUNDRED PERCENT serious about?!?! If that’s the case then Charlie is the biggest douche bag there is.

  21. Sadie says:

    Either way, they’re brillient

  22. Sadie says:


  23. Sailor says:

    Well if its morse your looking at… 3 short is s which means my engines are operating astern or 3 long is o which means man overboard…

  24. Tara says:

    I just found this site a week or two ago and now it’s gone :(

    • Kate says:

      Don’t worry. Just because the posts are less frequent doesn’t mean the site’s gone.

      • Mojo Jojo says:

        Shall we start a slow chant?

        Char – lie, Char – lie, Char-lie, Char-lie, Charlie, Charlie CharlieCharlieCharlieCHARLIECHARLIECHARLIECHARLIE!!!

  25. Maddy says:

    i miss charlie

  26. Santiago says:

    I just read an article about charlie…did not realize he was directly related to Malcolm Mcdowell, you just earned yourself 10 badass points charlie

  27. Santiago says:

    And he’s dating Roony Mara…you are god amongst men charlie mcdowell

    • Katy says:

      and his mom is mary steenburgen!… bam! he just became the coolest person in the world… this guy is a god, you’re not joking

  28. Levynite says:

    Remember people: Don’t feed the trolls.

  29. bribribribribri says:

    Charlie come back ):

  30. meaghanne says:

    are you trying to keep a low profile now that its out youre allegedly dating one of hollywoods newest rising stars? we miss you charlie, rooney mara will understand if you spend a day at home alone waiting for your neighbors to say something stupid!

  31. Smudge says:

    Dear Charlie,
    I check this faithfully every day, as I’m sure many of these good people do. Please come back. No new posts makes me sad face. :(

  32. Santiago says:

    I just realized I spelled Rooney mara wrong…please do not smite me Oh lord Charlie



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