Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“I so would’ve given him carriage-head during that long ride to Buckingham Palace.” And that’s why you’ll never be a princess.

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  1. Lequia says:

    First post!

  2. Holly says:

    …probably wouldn’t have gone over well anyhow.

  3. Robert says:

    That WOULD what comes to their mind when they think of a wedding…just another guy to blow…

    • Holly says:

      no no no no…. not just another guy, this is royal head they’d be giving.

      • Robert says:

        Ah true, because royal head is so much more refined and tasteful…

      • Cygnus says:

        It involves a linen napkin and a there is a beloved old retainer who facilitates.

      • Holly says:

        @Robert: I can only imagine that’s what the girls upstairs think, don’t you?

      • Robert says:

        @Cygnus: A linen napkin may not be needed if theyre clean enough…

        @Holly: I don’t really want to imagine what goes through their heads…lol

      • Charlotte says:

        oh the odd images that flashed through my head while reading these…

      • Holly says:

        I would bet that what goes on inside their heads is similar to tmz…. possibly less words.

      • Robert says:

        I don’t watch TMZ, so I can only assume it involves “news” about crappy shows such as Jersey Shore? Which I would imagine is the GAM’s favorite show.

  4. Annie says:

    sigh… didnt get to be the first one to post.

  5. Sara says:

    These are some classy girls that you have around you, Charlie.

  6. Betsy says:

    See-through carriage… What a beautiful wedding, though! My friend and I were up at 4am with coffee and waffles to watch. And once it was over, I wondered what the GAM would say. :)

    • Angels says:

      Exactly: see-through carriage. It’d be a show for the crowds they wouldn’t forget I suppose…

  7. Emily says:

    I’d give Harry head ;)

  8. Sarah says:

    ………..does it ever get to be too much? Honestly I would have told them off by now.

  9. Isabelle says:

    Well technically Kate isn’t a princess either, she’s a duchess.

    • Leila says:

      No, she is a princess. As is Camilla, Wills step-mom. She just hasn’t officially taken the title. The queen traditionally bestows a title on the royals getting married if they’re willing. So she gave them a dukedom. So Kate is officially known as Her Royal Highness, the Duchess of Cambridge.

      • Taryn says:

        She isn’t a princess, because in the British monarchy you have to have been born a princess.

  10. LovelyLauren says:

    My sister thinks I’m an addict to reading this site….she’s just a non-believer. But carrying on, the wedding was all everyone was talking about in school today. All the social studies classes watched it except for my history class, we watched about Gandhi.

    • MacKenzie says:

      Pretty sure we go to the same school and have the same history teacher, do you have Mr. Bergman by any chance?

      • LovelyLauren says:

        Sorry hun, unless Mr Bergman is codeword for Rosamilia, then its just a cool coincidence.

  11. Jillian says:

    That’s what the wedding was missing, carriage head.

  12. GinnyPotter says:

    Ya because no one would be able to see THAT in an open carriage..

  13. Sarah Dani says:

    That would have been the final touches on such a tasteful and refined affair, oral sex in a public televised event.

  14. Ellen says:

    The Queen would be so proud.

  15. Alex says:

    Of course. The whole Royal Wedding and all they can think about is sex.

  16. Louisa says:

    Oh my. I can’t believe thats what they took from the whole wedding! It’s slightly disturbing.

  17. Bertie says:

    I did not want to imagine Will and Kate doing such things!
    I know they are human… but still. No one ever talks about Cinderella having sex, why couldn’t GAM leave it be with the royals, whhhhhhy

  18. Prosopagnosia says:

    I think these girls should become a part of a human centipede… Nevermind, I would NEVER wish something that horrible onto someone. Not even Hitler.

  19. MacKenzie says:

    To LovelyLauren, I’m pretty sure we go to the same school now, and have the same social studies teacher…I watched about Gandhi too….Mr. Bergman????

    • Tracy Turnblad says:

      Just so you know the same exact thing happened in my class today. Everyone watched the wedding, we watches Ghandi

  20. mina says:

    today was my school’s last day of break so i got to watch the wedding specials ALL DAY!!
    And then read this :) my break is now complete :)

  21. Lexi says:

    It would still be called road head…

  22. Ann C. says:

    The DGAM’s on etiquette in royal society.

  23. Tigerr says:

    I can’t really judge the girls on this one… My male friends were debating which Middleton sister they wanted to screw first. Apparently its 3-2 to Pippa.

  24. Chelsey says:

    xD hahahahahaha wow. They really do scare me sometimes…

  25. Kevin says:

    You have to be making some of these up. I want to believe they are all true but for the sake of humanity I hope you’re faking at least half of these.

  26. Holly says:

    I do believe that would be class

  27. Nick says:

    Love Sucks… the *Real* Love Swallows

  28. Trippetta says:

    Umm, wow…picture…not carriage head, but balcony head? Eh, it’s a suggestive photo, nothing actually dirty, and ridiculously relevant.

    • Cygnus says:

      For this angle to actually work, Prince Willy would really have to be living up to his name!

  29. britt says:


  30. Shanna says:

    PFFFF!! Bahaha that’s awesome!

  31. Gracelyn says:

    Does anyone want to explain “carriage head” to a young, innocent teen? -embarrassed grin- I feel almost as dumb as the girls.

    • LovelyLauren says:

      Nah, I think it’d be best to keep you innocent. Nothing gold can stay but lets try and keep it going for now.

    • ally says:

      I DO!
      it basically translates to her giving him a blow job whilt in the carriage.
      (blow job=sucking his penis)
      i love corrupting the young ones….

  32. Lonely Girl says:

    Why be a princess when you can be a goddess?

    • Cygnus says:

      That’s Goddess dear and I agree completely!

      • Robert says:

        Wouldn’t it be “Goddess” only if it referred to a specific goddess?

      • Cygnus says:

        the capital is to emphasis how much more AMAZING it is to be a Goddess than a princess. Not a grammar nazi thing…

  33. TamesisKendra says:

    ask around or let your fingers surf there -is- a pic taken of kate and will. That looks like that. Fluke snapshot mind.

    Also from what i gather kate cant be a princess because she is common.

    • Cho Chang says:

      I thought that standard was defunct now…

    • Charlotte says:

      i think that is poop.
      i mean,
      EVERYONES blood is blue!:)
      tehehe no worries not as dumb as the girls:)

    • Meghan says:

      She is a princess, but only by marriage. She will be queen too, when and if William takes the throne but she will be called Queen Consort. If William was to die she wouldn’t take power, it would pass to Prince Harry or her future children, and then she would be called Queen Mother.

      A couple UBI’s for you!

      • Cho Chang says:

        That’s what I thought would happen! Yay for being an American that roughly knows how monarchy works in the United Kingdom.

  34. LovelyLauren says:

    I miss charlie! Where has he gone? He’s not allowed to have a life, so he can entertain us.

  35. Chelsea says:

    At least they’re aware of current news…

  36. Alex says:

    I just thought I should announce it…Osama bin Laden is apparently dead.

  37. Mindy says:

    I really want to know what they say about bin laden’s death…actually, I’m kind of scared to think about it

    • Cho Chang says:

      Something something shave the dumb beard something something bringing liquid foundation/concealer on the plane…

    • Lizzzzzz says:

      I was thinking something along the lines of “WAIT!?!?!? OBAMA’S DEAD? I THOUGHT HE JUST GAVE THAT SPEECH THINGY!”

  38. X3 says:

    You guys make my day. I don’t know who says the more disturbing things – the girls or you guys

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  43. Alicia says:

    The girl’s would’ve given carriage head,
    Well excuse her for wanting to wait until bed.
    Unlike the girls above him, this woman has class,
    She married a prince Cathy and Claire, so you can kiss her ass.

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