Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“I’m sick of job hunting. All I really wanna be in life is one of Charlie Sheen’s Goddesses.” You definitely fit the criteria.

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  1. Charlie McDowell says:

    So being Charlie McDowell’s goddesses isn’t enough?

  2. Jess says:

    not enough tiger blood

  3. Stephanie says:

    Oh Lord. Please include that statement in the TV show. Make an entire episode out of it. PLEASE.

  4. GAM Defender says:

    Charlie Sheen’s goddesses live a very comfortable life in his mansion. There’s a lot of support, love, and healing from their past issues in there. I’m sure everyone wants to experience that kind of love and respect with people around them, along with some fantastic sex.

    • Cygnus says:

      Sure worked out great for the girls of the Manson Family. Nothing like the combination of sex, drugs, forced co-habitation and the rantings of one crazy alpha male to makes sure the healing happens.

    • pb says:

      and the violent abuse and death threats are just gonna be great too.

  5. Tigerr says:

    I did actually first read it as ‘Charlie McDowell’ and thought ‘Oh gawd, they know who he is!’ Thankfully this whole shenanigan is still a secret. xD

  6. Sara says:

    Their aspirations keep getting higher and higher. I’m amazed.

  7. Lou says:

    If that means all they’re looking for is a guy to provide them blow and use them for sex I’m sure I know plenty of people who can help them with that.

  8. Spooxi says:

    “The girls want to be Sheen’s new godesses
    And we think they’d be great, to be honest.
    If they turn up, grinning and willing,
    Or better yet, grinning and topless.”

    Sorry for knocking Alicia off her usual post as Poet Laureate of DGAM, but I had to try that one xD

  9. YouLookFantastic says:

    I am really hoping that this is sarcasm. Please, please be sarcasm.

  10. Sarah says:


    • Lala says:

      Well I didn’t.
      YES I applied.
      and YES I made it to the next round.

      My summer looked like it was going to need some spicing up anyways.
      And this is all assuming he doesn’t OD before then.

  11. Adi says:

    birthday post!
    Also, I would never wish them on Carlos, he has had a hard enough time lately.

  12. Lock says:

    Why is he in the news so much recently? Hasn’t he always been notorious for his drug use? Why all this now?

  13. maria says:

    charlie, ill be one of your goddesses!

    • Charlie McDowell says:

      Really? I must warn you though, I don’t drink or do drugs. It might get a little boring.

      • Ashers says:

        lol if you want to have fun then it wouldn’t matter

      • Alicia says:

        I don’t drink, do drugs, or participate in illegal behavior. I also model sometimes. I can beat Cathy and Claire any day!

      • GinnyPotter says:

        We can have Sunchip parties!!!

      • Leila says:

        Are you kidding me!??! I’m sure we’d have a blast at your place!! Imagine all of the epic games of Monoploly, Apples to Apples or fort making! I hope you enjoy making forts, Charlie… Oh! And we can’t forget the fabulous listening parties. :)

      • GinnyPotter says:

        ^YES! and we can eat sunchips :P

  14. LovelyLauren says:

    If they become his goddess then they would move out and then no more DGAM….

    On another note, did you know that the majority of my history class does not know where the Mediterranean Sea is? Then after my teacher rants about how important it is to know where the Mediterranean is and if you don’t know, pretend you do, he points out body’s of water on the map. They apparently never knew about the Indian Ocean or that the Nile River is in Egypt. Now I know why people have lost faith in my generation….

    • Robert says:

      Some of the kids in my friend’s AP (Advanced Placement) US History class seriously thought Washington DC was the capitol of California…

      • Catherine says:

        the girl who sits behind me in my german class asked if we were on the west coast (we live in indiana), after hearing about the earthquake in japan…

  15. Cygnus says:

    The girl was bored with the whole job hunt.
    The big world just too much to confront.
    She’s quite willing for Sheen
    to make her a Queen.
    She’s gladly his new harem runt.

    What did you expect? This is a Family posting. Shame on you!!!

  16. Leila says:

    You should make them a Charlie Sheen Goddess starter kit, Tiger Blood included.

  17. Matt says:

    tell them he’s looking for an intern and they can apply on line (actually true)

  18. Ashers says:

    at least they have some kind of dream… even if it isn’t a great one…

  19. sshh says:

    I was very confused when I read this. I thought I was on HighDeas.

    I realized and then read it again, giggled.

  20. Jake says:

    Charlie, you need to go to the police about them. They really shouldn’t be living on their own in their mental condition. :)

    First time commented, too!

  21. Bertie says:

    Job hunting is tedious… I’ll agree with them there. But why would anyone want to be with Charlie Sheen?

  22. Heather says:

    She would never have to work again! Once Sheen kicks the bucket she can pawn gifts from him to hire a ghost writer, who will write an award-winning “auto”biography for her, which will be a hit with the tabloid-readers of America, and she’ll be an instant millionaire. “I’ve Sheen it All: a memoir” by Cathy or Claire

  23. Kamella says:

    Charlie Sheen saw this and thought “… I am winning.”

  24. Madison says:

    They’re Bi-Awesome.

  25. Lonely Girl says:

    She’s looking for a job!!! I don’t think she could hold one down.

  26. Sarah says:

    How much pot has Charlie Sheen smoked?
    Enough to kill Two and a Half Men!!

    Sorry, but I had to do it- I was surprised no one did already ;)

  27. maria says:

    charlie i dont drink or do drugs. its a perfect match (:

  28. Jillian says:

    Pornstars live above you?!?!

  29. ILikeYouILoveYou says:

    I honestly had NO IDEA who Charile Sheen was until I saw Sarah’s post… I fail. -.-‘

    And wow. This is just…. wow.

  30. GinnyPotter says:

    Oh god. Please tell me they’re not still on that pregnancy kick!

  31. Alicia says:

    They fit the criteria to be a Goddess for Charlie Sheen,
    They’re probably blonde with big racks, tall and very lean.
    Not to mention stupid, no common sense, and air heads,
    That’s exactly what it takes to get in Charlie Sheen’s bed.
    I would choose McDowell over Sheen without thinking twice.
    He’s funny, doesn’t drink or do drugs, and of course, very nice!

  32. Kaylee says:

    Hmm. Sort of off topic, but I’m getting a little tired of every celebrity magazine out there obsessing over Charlie Sheen =

  33. Jacky Faber: Midshipman, Fine Lady, and Lily of the West says:

    Omg, I thought I commented. Ugh! So not cool. This is what happens when your day changes on you. But still, read this earlier today and I just had a *palm to face* moment. Lol.

  34. Anna Recsik says:

    I love whichever girl said this.

  35. angel says:

    I really gotta agree with them on the topic of job hunting though. Argh, even the thought of it is a pain, I’m trying not to think about it at all right now.

    On another sort of related note, I am 2 months away from graduation and my laptop (with all my work for my graduation project) decided to die on me. argh, thanks a lot.

    AND with everything that is going on in Japan, my grad trip to Japan is also most likely cancelled. I swear life sucks right now. The only good thing is that I could finally get a new laptop but even then, I had to take money out of my savings for it. *sighs*

  36. ILikeYouILoveYou says:

    Lola, he’s not suffering from a mental disorder. It’s his ‘mid-life crisis’.

  37. Prosopagnosia says:

    Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

  38. Prosopagnosia says:

    On a side note: Guess what day it is tomorrow?


  39. DoraTonks10 says:

    Charlie, they only want to be your goddesses if you’re bi-winning…

  40. TJ says:

    OHMYGAWDWAIT!!! All I really wanna be in life is Charlie Sheen! You have to give me their numbers!

  41. NORA says:

    my friend just sent me a link to your site. I love your outfit and I hope you get to bond soon with good ol’ Charlie.

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