Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“Wait, when it’s a hardcover it’s a novel and when it’s floppy it’s just a book?” All you need to know is it’s available on tape.

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  1. Ciara says:

    First comment!!!!!

  2. Cera says:

    As a writer this makes me want to cry.

  3. Bellatrix Lestrange says:

    they’d have to figure out how to play the tape though……maybe it would be better if you read to them

  4. Brooke says:

    I’m impressed that they are talking about books.

    Oh, and second comment. :)

  5. Charlie McDowell says:

    I’m definitely gonna start using “floppy” instead of paperback.

    • Anna says:

      ….Charlie, you need to buy them a dictionary and leave it outside their door, with all the words they’ve ever mangled highlighted and annotated. You’d be doing them a great service. (And it could be a ‘floppy’ dictionary, if you wish.)

    • Lucie says:

      “Excuse me, I’m looking for the floppy version of ___ book”
      I’d like to see the employee’s face when they hear this request.

  6. Janice says:

    Let’s introduce them to the Kindle!

  7. ASchmalz says:

    wait, were they actually reading???

    • Bex says:

      I wonder what the reading material of choice is for GAM?

      • Shleelee says:

        One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
        Black fish, blue fish, old fish, new fish
        This one has a little car!
        This one has a little star!

      • sheila says:

        I think even Dr. Seuss may be a bit too advanced for them… A preschool book that teaches the alphabet, with a huge letter ‘A’ on one page and a picture of an apple on the other side is more their speed!

      • A Knight Who Says NI says:

        Probably Twilight or some other mindless babble.

  8. Caroline says:

    One: It’s a paperback.
    Two: being novel is unrelated to the cover.

  9. GinnyPotter says:

    Give them a hard cover and floppy cover of the same book and watch their brains combust :)

  10. Chelsea says:

    I think they shouldn’t even try. A tape would go by too quickly & they wouldn’t follow anything.

    • Bex says:

      It would require them to listen for an extended amount of time and not be distracted by one of the many men in their lives

  11. Fermata says:

    To be fair, I didn’t figure out the difference between hardcovers and paperbacks until I was seven.
    And on the subject of books, if anyone needs something to read I’d recommend Watership Down. Just throwing that out there.

  12. andrea says:

    Do you have to comment on every post to be a family member? I read all the posts and comments AND I like sunchips. But sometimes I just don’t have anything smart to say.

    • Leila says:

      Uh, maybe? I think the sunchips part got you in. :) I consider myself a part of the family, despite not being officially welcomed by Charlie.

      • Charlie McDowell says:

        Well that was very rude of me! Welcome Leila.

      • Christina says:

        Hopefully the family wont disown me if I admit to never having tried Sunchips… to be fair though, I live in the UK and I don’t think they sell them here.

      • Leila says:

        Yay!! :D

      • Gisele says:

        Yeah I never was welcomed either, but that’s most likely because I didn’t make it known that I was a first time commenter (at least that’s what I say to myself to stop the tears at night). I even replied on a comment Charlie made and wasn’t acknowledged :(

    • Theresa says:

      I love how SunChips play an active roll in the comments.

    • Lala says:

      Woah wait…I want to be part of the family too!!
      I can go stuff my face with sunchips right now if it’ll help.

    • KimeeFace says:

      I was never welcomed either, but sometimes I like to pretend I was. It helps me sleep at night.

  13. Elizabeth says:

    Oh gosh! *facepalm* These girls. They amuse me. But hey, they’re talking about literature! I wonder what they’re reading?
    This made my day, definitely. I really needed it (Stupid bullies. Still in high school over here, hehe…).

  14. Jillian says:

    Who cares if it’s on tape? They’ll make a movie out of it soon enough.

  15. Ellen says:

    One of my friends said it was ‘blowy’ outside once, instead of windy. I understand we all have our blond moments. Some people have longer moments than others.

    • J-Lo says:

      I called the ruffles on a shirt “fluffies” the other day. Definitely my blond moment!

      • Chelsea says:

        The other day, I said “dung”, meaning the past tense of “ding”. My mom laughed. I still don’t know what the correct word would be.

      • LovelyLauren says:

        I would think the past tense of ding would be dinged if that’s not it then dang?

      • Lily Luna Potter says:

        I still think dung is correct for the past tense of ding when referring to bells; or you could possibly just go with the bells rang… the bells dinged? Dang it the bells just made some freaking noise! (I am pouring way to much thought into this!)

      • LovelyLauren says:

        I just looked it up because I was really curious, most sources said dinged. Dung would be if we still used old English.

      • Cheesecake and sexy says:

        I used the word “Bagelary” I reference to a bagel shop the other day, because it wasn’t a bakery but you bake bagels…my dad will never let me live it down.

    • KelseyM says:

      I have to admit I normally read, chuckle to myself, and don’t comment. BUT. Your particular comment had me cracking up because it was almost exactly what I used to tell some of my lovely girl friends in high school. I simply let them know that some people have blonde moments, and others are stuck in blonde decades. They were in the latter category, but it was ok.

    • Christina says:

      I once said “miserableness” as opposed to “misery” XD
      That was definitely an off day for me.

      • TaylorDanielle! says:

        The other day in English I said, “thouroughfulness” instead of thourough, and in called a rhinoceros a “rhinosaur.”
        I live a blonde life… But im blonde so idk haha.

    • KimeeFace says:

      I was performing a scene in my advanced theater class the other day, and I accidentally said “We’ll be arrested for vouyagerism!” Instead of “We’ll be arrested for voyeurism!” Definite blond moment. But luckily, only one person noticed. And he never mentioned my slip to my teacher. c:

  16. Sofa says:

    This is just sad… But I wonder what they were attempting to read, and its reading level… Was it a fourth grade reading level?

  17. Jacky Faber: Midshipman, Fine Lady, and Lily of the West says:

    That is so sad. That’s all I have to say.

  18. Ellie says:

    …They can read?!

    • Jess says:

      I’m sure they can read. Its just shocking to think that they actually DO read.

    • Tobia says:

      how else are they suppose to understand the squiggly lines on their text messages, billboards, menus, condom and vibrator containers, TV guides, liquor bottles and et cetera?

  19. HAL 9000 says:

    really good floppy book to read: Ender’s Game

    • Sasha says:

      I just read that book! It was amazing! For a book that was written quite a while ago. And I agree, I want to hand them the hardcover and paperback versions of the same book and see what happens :D

    • TaylorDanielle! says:

      LOOOOOOVEEEE Enders Game, one of my all time favorites. Did you read the sequels?

    • KimeeFace says:

      I love that book! I had to read it for my tenth grade English class, and afterwards when everyone had finished it we had a class debate about whether Ender actually had a choice or not, and whether the morals the adults pushed onto him were good or bad. I forgot what side I took at the time, but I do recall that my side won.

  20. Haley says:

    Oh…oh god…that’s just sad.

    You should show ’em a copy of Stephen King’s colossal “Under the Dome” (which is an awesome book, by the way) and watch their brains melt.

    • Jordan says:

      I just finised reading Under te Dome! My mom said it was “too adult for a fourteen year old” but when she went to bed I would grab it from our shelf and read it in bed..

  21. Dakota says:

    The girls above Charlie have a strange misconception,
    of how a book is named by its cover.
    Should Charlie correct their misapprehension,
    Or give them a chance to discover?
    Let’s choose the latter, because as we all know,
    the girls above Charlie can be a bit slow,
    and if Charlie gets in too deep,
    it will be harder for him to creep.

  22. Kamella says:

    And I thought MY generation had no hope. Turns out we were screwed before.

  23. Leila says:

    You know, I don’t think they’d know what a tape is…..

  24. Savannah says:

    Tapes are so 90’s.

  25. alexaluvs says:

    Charlie maybe you should read them Twilight, its total lack of plot and miss use of fancy adjectives would be right up there alley

    Or perhaps “The Big Coloring Book of Vagina’s” would be better for them? (I found this book accidentally on Amazon yesterday while looking for a gift for my 3 year old cousin)

  26. Sarah says:

    I don’t…I just…but…

  27. Deirdre says:

    I think we’re all in trouble… *facepalms*

  28. Lydia says:

    You know, eventually they’ll figure out that you can buy them on iTunes, so they’ll have to decide whether to call them Pad books or Pod books. Or something like that.

    (Long time lurker, first time commenter~ I have no SunChips on me at the moment (or in my mouth), but I can agree that they ARE the tastiest of chips.)

  29. Katie says:

    They were probably reading that crappy book about Justin Bieber.

    PS. I’m a first-ish time commenter, but I never got welcomed. :(

  30. Leah says:

    Dear Charlie and the rest of the gang,
    We’re doing a poetry unit in school right now. I wrote a poem about this website, talking about all the regulars on here, Sunchips, and the Girls. I’m reading it in front of the class tomorrow :)

    PS I’m a 14 year old eighth grader…you attract the young crowd too, Charlie :)

    • TaylorDanielle! says:

      Awesome Opossum! I wish you the best of luck!
      And I’m a sophomore, haha(:
      You should type up your poem and post it on here, I think we’d all enjoy reading it(:

      • Leah says:

        A man named Charlie lives in LA
        And in the apartment above him, two girls stay
        To us they are known as Cathy and Claire
        They’ve got as much brains as a cows derriere
        Every day I log on and look for a post
        Hoping for a video (I love those the most)
        I do a little facepalm to todays GAM quote
        Then I click on “Comments” and join the party boat
        I read everyones reactions (most in disbelief)
        My smile gets bigger, showing my teeth
        I look for Alicia’s poem, to which mine does not compare
        Then I remember my sunchips (though half the bag is air)
        I look at the time
        And remember I have to finish my homework by nine
        So I hesitantly close the screen
        To one of the funniest blogs I’ve ever seen
        But you can be sure that when tomorrow is ending and calm
        I’ll be logging back on to

        So I know it’s not as good as all of Alicia’s poems, but I tried and I hope ya’ll like it…and my teacher too hahaha :)

      • Tigerr says:

        *Like* :D well done!

      • Alicia says:

        AWESOME POEM!!! You deserve a perfect grade! :D

    • Liz says:

      Yes, please! I bet your poem will be sassy and awesome. :D

    • Ellie says:

      *high five* 8th graders ftw! Let us know how it goes!!! :-D

    • Charlie McDowell says:

      AWESOME. You better get an A for that!

    • KimeeFace says:

      Great poem. :3
      Jajaja. I’m a senior in high school, but I’m supposed to be a junior. Charlie does indeed attract the youngins.

    • KimeeFace says:

      Great poem. :3
      Jajaja. I’m a senior in high school, but I’m supposed to be a junior. Charlie does indeed attract the youngins. Two of my friends also read this, though they haven’t gotten into reading the comments yet.

  31. Rayne says:

    Im betting it was one of the books those people from jersey shore wrote

    Hi everybody I’m new :D

    • Rayne says:

      P.S. I think your a bomb of awesomness Charlie ;)

    • Liz says:

      Snooki’s book definitely seems like their cup of tea. Apparently, there are instructions on how to make the perfect poof in the book. Charlie, will you let us know if they start sporting poofs?

  32. Sara says:

    The books on my shelf wept when I read this post, especially the “floppy” ones who discovered they were no longer novels…

  33. says:

    then how do they classify the kindle?

  34. Hannibal lecter says:

    *hums slightly*

  35. Liz says:

    My real question is who said something to give them this idea? Obviously it had to come from somewhere…

    And “floppy” books don’t seem so floppy when they hit you on the head… Just so you know. People should be more careful with their books. :)

  36. TaylorDanielle! says:

    No end to the laughter(: I love all the comments on this one, too!
    A whole new level… *shakes head*

    What’s ya’lls favorite flavor of sunchips? I like the salsa ones. Lol.

    Oh and Charlie– When do they say these things?! Seems like all you and they do is sit around . You in your sink, and them… On the couch, watching Teen Mom and the like. Do they have jobs?

  37. Lily Luna Potter says:

    Loved this post, although it did make me a bit sad that these poor moronic girls never learned the difference between a hardback and paperback book!

  38. AmyD says:

    although if you own a kindle (I do and LOVE LOVE LOVE mine) there is no such thing as “hard” or “floppy” in a book anymore… hey one less thing they have to worry about!

  39. Jake says:

    Top Ten DGAM Floppy Books

    10. “Homeless Guys vs. Sons of Famous Actors (With Careers in the Industry of Their Own): How to Identify Which is Which” By Dr. Che Kin Chuot

    9. “Snobby Birds and Where they Migrate To” By Pidgoneus Dung

    8. ” Does Air have Calories? : Five essential things That Are Making You Fat” By The Pepsi Corporation

    7. ” Love in the Plush Toy Section” By G. Ross
    6. ” How to Name Your Vibrator” By L. Hard

    5. ” The top Five Halftime Shows Starring The Black Eyed Peas” By the Black Eyed Peas.

    4. “War and Peep Boys: How to Tell if Your Roommate’s Hook Up is Gay” By Harvey Oswald Mortimer Othello Secksual

    3. “Things other than Zach Effron that Are Delicious” By G. Oldfish

    2. “No Kiss for Kay, but Blo Jo Fo Sho” By Tiffany S. Rocks

    and the number one DGAM Floppy Book is:

    “Love Among the Sun-chips: A Book of Poetry” By Alicia

  40. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ejs78, Amy Wills. Amy Wills said: Bahahaha« Dear Girls Above Me […]

  41. Tigerr says:

    *Giggles* I do love dumb people, makes me feel less stupid xD

  42. NinaNinaNinaaaaa says:

    I generally worry for your safety with these girls living so close to you Charlie…

    • Lonely Girl says:

      I agree I also worry for Charlie’s sanity and safety, but also for the girls. I can just picture them doing something so stupid and dumb and getting mauled for it. Then where would we get our entertaimnemt?

  43. Chloé says:

    I would love to know where these girls went to school. Obviously, their school needs reforming.

  44. DoraTonks10 says:

    Long time reader first time commenter. I felt the need to comment on this post. I am an avid reader and I could not stop smiling at what the girls said. By the way I do love SunChips.

  45. NinaNinaNinaaaaa says:

    I know this may seem scary but i am from England and i have never heard of these sun chips. What are they exactly??? And why are they so brilliant?

    • Liz says:

      Not scary to me…I’m from NY, and I have never heard of them. Maybe they’re localized goodness.

    • On The Bright Side... says:

      Oh, they’re just a bag of whole-wheat multi-grain goodness.

    • Leila says:

      Sun Chips… how to do you describe the delicious goodness of Sun Chips… crispy, crunch wholegrain goodness…. yummm….
      I am sorry my friend, but you’re just going to have to somehow experience it yourself. Maybe someone can send you a bag from here?
      And Liz- you should be able to find them at any grocery store. Even Wal*Mart.

  46. Eden says:


  47. On The Bright Side... says:

    At least they read books.

  48. Trina says:

    Hahahahahaha, oh my goodness, our GAM fam is the BEST.
    ….oh, these girls… I’d REALLY like to know what book it is that’s “floppy”. And yes, I think I’m going to start saying “floppy” instead of paperback now as well, Charlie.

  49. Kendall says:

    Not related to this particular post, but do we agree the garden salsa variety are the most delicious of sun chips?

  50. MindBoggled says:

    Like my name says, I’m just constantly astounded by these girls. I can’t help but think, “Really?!”

  51. Alicia says:

    The girls can’t tell the difference between hardcover and paperback,
    Are they taking up books all of a sudden, or have they just taken up crack?
    They think a hardcover is a novel and a floppy one’s called a book,
    Maybe they should just call it a day and by themselves a Nook.

  52. Eva says:

    If I were you, I would be proud of the fact they could read a whole book.

  53. Bella says:

    I almost feel like the girls don’t even read. Unless of course its a magazine. Well . . . maybe.

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