“Look out the window! Is Sandy here yet?” 3,000 miles due east, I see her coming!

“I heard that only people who went to some school get to vote this year. That doesn’t seem fair.” The Electoral College?

“Ellen DeGeneres is funny and all, but it’s really weird how much she loves her car.” Her wife’s name is Portia.

“Paul Ryan is going to be our next president based on the fact that he’s a total hottie.” Google Mitt Romney.

“Aww, I just realized iceskating isn’t a part of the Olympics anymore!” Who knows, maybe they’ll bring it back in a couple years.