Charlie covering his ears
Two annoying girls moved into the apartment above me.
I'm forced to hear every dumb thing they say.
These are my letters to them.


“I’ll meet you at the party, I ate way too much cauliflower and need to let out gas for awhile.” Hold on, let me cancel my plans.

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  1. Mao says:

    Rather than canceling your plans I would get the hell out of there! That sounds like a ticking bomb :P

  2. ASchmalz says:

    just don’t light a match…

  3. Charlie McDowell says:

    I’m wearing out the mute button on my channel changer.

  4. Kenzie says:

    If the walls are so thin you hear everything they say, you must be able to smell eveything… *shudders in horror*

  5. Shay says:

    These girls sound quite stimulating…

  6. Abigail says:

    If I were you, I’d go get a nose plug. Or a gas tank.

  7. Christina says:

    Haha, you should randomly shout up to her “Hey! I can smell that!”

  8. Alicia says:

    I’m trying to find a more lady-like way of writing a poem about this…and coming up with nothing. I’ll still write one though.

  9. Sarah says:

    I think that once Alicia writes this poem, you should tape it to their door like a love letter

  10. Spink says:

    Haha, oh dear … put on your gas mask and run for the bunker! xD

  11. africanandeuropeanswallow says:

    …..shouldn’t you be able to hear that?

  12. Fran says:

    Hey, I’d be more worried if I couldn’t hear it. Silent, but deadly.

  13. Nicole says:

    Hopefully there wasn’t asparagus involved too. . .

  14. Elizabeth says:

    BWAHAHAHAHA! After a long day, that’s EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Thanks, Charlie! ^_^

  15. Emily says:

    You should put a spray can of Febreeze outside their door, maybe they’ll think Gerard heard them.

  16. Déa says:

    dude, who wants to listen to a girl fart? Nice beard btw, I like it. It’s hot!

  17. Alicia says:

    “I’ll meet you at the party,” said the girl above Charlie, as he listened with care.
    She had too much cauliflower,
    Now her ass has the power,
    If I were you, I’d step out for some air.

    So much for being lady-like…Oh well.

  18. Louisa says:

    I would love to live in a world where in my head that is a valid excuse to be late somewhere.

  19. Scarlett says:

    Hahaha I read these everyday and they make me giggle! The comments too so I decided to comment today! Hello everyone!

  20. Lock says:

    At least they eat their veggies.

  21. Kelsey says:

    Awh, how considerate of her.

  22. a guy named John says:

    I wonder if there’s a Dear Guy Below Me blog that these girls maintain…. lol

  23. Leah says:

    Okay, I usually don’t comment on these but I just had to say that I think this website is AMAZING! Charlie, this always cheers me up when I’m in a bad mood. And reading the comments on here just makes me happier!! Alicia, I love your poems. I look forward to them every time there’s a new post :)

  24. April says:

    *returns to awkwardly interrupt the ordinarily smooth flow of conversation in a manner similar to that of a cauliflower fart*

  25. April says:

    That was a long-winded thought.
    (pun mostly intended)

  26. Taylor says:

    at least she’s polite…?? haha

  27. Elizabeth says:

    I really think that you need a better hobby.

  28. Helen says:

    Charlie, you have such a gaggle of girls following you. I find this ironic, but you are pretty damn cute, so I totally get it. But you’re also totally creepy. As a fellow voyeur, I love this.

  29. Nemesis says:

    At least we now know that they do not believe that they are too good to pass gas.

  30. Samantha says:

    Am i the only one who noticed that you wrote “channel changer” instead of “remote” above? Please rewrite the world, Charlie.

    • Jillian says:

      Actually, it’s called a “clicker.” :P

      Haha. I love how different parts of the US use different words.

      • Alicia says:

        I used to call it a “ticky” when I was really little… I have no clue why. Then again, I also used to call lizards “beechos”… I guess I just had my own language.

    • Lequia says:

      Well, he IS British…(he’s said as much at any rate). Maybe thats what his parents called it when he was growing up?

      • Mary says:

        heyheyhey what’s that meant to mean? what is his being british got to do with it (is he even british?)? i’m british (woop) and i don’t call it a channel changer. (i’ve now used the word british too many times…)
        also: Alicia, that, and you, are awesome!!

      • Alicia says:

        You and your Britishness are awesome.

    • Beccah says:

      I say channel changer too. My roommates have ridiculed this, but I think it’s far worse to avoid a perfectly spectacular opportunity for ‘ch’ alliteration unrelated to a train

  31. Fliss says:

    In New Zealand we call it a remote

  32. Know your money. Live your life….



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